...I did something weird last night...

There will be times when I write about how incredible and adorable I believe my children to be.

This is not one of those times.

 

This one is about my spooky ass son!!

 

Here comes that once upon a time....

 

It was midnight'ish and I was sitting in the kitchen with Brie working on an art project. Tyler was about nine years old and had been asleep for a couple hours. There was no one else in the house so imagine our surprise when we heard the shower turn on.

 

(Insert note here. We were scared, real scared. If given an extra few seconds we might have ran and left Tyler to figure it out. Honesty, right?)

 

Just as we were thinking about an escape plan Tyler appeared from the hall, walked through the kitchen into the laundry room and closed the door.  Brie and I looked at each other confused as hell.

 

I don't know how long he was in the laundry room. I'm sure it was less than a minute, yet it felt like an hour. The door opened, he walked out and headed back in the direction of his bedroom. He stopped and looked at us as if we were doing unusual shit.

 

His expression was mean. His eyes were bloodshot. He was looking at us, but not really looking at us. He was weird and spooky looking.  As soon as he disappeared around the corner we started laughing uncontrollably. Thinking back it was definitely nervous laughter. 

 

I went into his room to make sure he's back in bed.  Just then, I heard Brie screaming my name from the direction of the bathroom and remember that this all started with the shower being turned on.

 

There was no serial killer hiding in the shower. Instead, the tub was filled with wet towels. The toilet seat was down, there was pee on the floor and the roll of toilet paper was in the sink. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. There is no method to his sleeping madness.

 

The next morning he looked at me with big innocent eyes and said "I feel like I did something weird last night". That was the first of many times we've had those conversations. I never know what type of adventures await when he falls asleep.

 

Oh...and to this day I have NO idea what happened in the laundry room. Nor do I want to know.

 

Beware in my house at night,

...Michelle...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...We Don't Call Them Rules...

We don't call them rules.
Why? Because they are my children and if I called these rules, they would immediately want to break them.

...Speak with respect and use your manners...
...Make education a priority...
...Find things that you love to do and do a lot of it...
...Always apologize when you should...
...Work as hard as you can and then work harder...
...Clean up after yourself...(We are still working on this one!)
...Learn to cook and do laundry...
...Never start shit or be a bully...
...Always stand up for others and yourself...
...Don't buy unnecessary crap and save your money... (One spends, One saves.)
...Keep life simple...
...Always tell me the truth and we can figure anything out together...
...Tell people how you feel...
...Only say I love you when you mean it...
...Don't slam doors...
...Know how to properly defend yourself...
...Don't be nice to shitty humans...
...Always be nice to animals...
...You do not have to pretend to like certain people...
...When you get a chance to travel - take it...

This list is evergreen. We are always adding, yet that cleaning up after yourself one never seems to catch on. I have been known to throw some fits about dirty rooms and bathrooms.

They are awesome young humans, but believe me they know exactly how to get on my nerves!!

...The Dysfunctional Intro...

I'm Michelle. Once upon a time I was married to a guy named Todd. We have two children.

I'm not sure how normal people do introductory posts, but I've never been accused of normalcy.

 

About a year into our marriage what I thought was a stomach virus turned into a positive pregnancy test. I remember the way I felt when I saw that test result. No, it wasn't excitement or warm and fuzzy. It was shock (I was on birth control) and "oh shit what have I gotten myself into" feelings. Five months into that pregnancy I was diagnosed with cancer. A couple months later Ms. Brie forced her way into the world.

After my cancer treatments it was unsure if I could get pregnant again. Four years later I defied the odds. Eight months later Mr. Tyler arrived and changed life as I knew it. I had to have a hysterectomy after he was born and my doctor still swears there's no way I should've been able to get pregnant. Tyler was a miracle.

The next few years were filled with life changes, health challenges, financial nightmares, a couple family vacations, several infidelities, and ultimately the choice to get divorced.

This blog will touch base on the good, the bad and the ugly details of divorced co-parenting, single parenting, and the adventures of parenting. I'm pretty sure I did some stuff right, but I damn sure did some stuff wrong.

Being their mom has been an adventurous journey and an emotional challenge. I look forward to sharing some of it with you, introducing you to the dysfunction and laughing as I look back at it all.

Brie is 21. Tyler is 17. Our dysfunction is entertaining and you've been warned.

Virtual Hugs,

...Michelle...